Hi…I need help in language…just read the following,correct any errors possible and give an edited version
When a person starts his or her network marketing organization,he or she is an independent entrepreneur. When building the business,Neways provides their products,sales tools,warehousing and shipping services,and other business necessities. He or she is not a representative or salesperson employed by Neways but is an independent business owner who purchases items from Neways as needed to conduct the business. Often,distributors in local areas share the costs of holding business meetings and carrying out other initiatives. Neways provides him or her with tools and support,to build his or her business fast and large. Training will be provided to easily duplicate to achieve success in his or her own business. In turn,he or she can help others duplicate this same training and business model in their own businesses.
Well,for one I think the phrase “independent entrepreneur”is redundant. See,an entrepreneur is someone who manages or starts their own business usually with some risk. “but is an independent business owner who purchases items from Neways as needed to conduct THE business.”I think you should change that “the”to “their”because it’ll sound more personal.
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